“We” Is a Collective Effort

You know what’s uncomfortable? Being openly honest in relationships. Telling someone about themselves. Accepting someone’s criticism of you. What is greater and more impactful is growing and watching someone you love grow as well.

In this video clip of The Real (scrub to 3:55) the ladies briefly discussed what it would be like to complete a progress report on your partner…and I was like…

Here are three big problems in relationships:

-Constantly talking or arguing about the same issues without any progress made

-Not knowing when to walk away; walking away too soon or too late

-Settling

What if all couples sat down once or twice a year to discuss/rate things like: the five love languages (physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gift giving), communication, finances, etc.? They would rate themselves and their partner’s contributions to the relationship. Then compare it against their partner’s ratings to see where they both align (or not). Ideally, this should entice conversation around strategies to build a better relationship.

First of all, the hope here is that people would be honest about their needs/wants, and be open to compliments and criticism.

Second, just like work evaluations, acknowledging the things that are done well further encourages one to continue doing what they do best. And similarly, setting goals for the future can help hold someone accountable.

The tricky part is deciding whether or not to use these progress reports as grounds for staying in or ending relationships. A lot of people leave relationships not knowing what they did wrong, or if it could have been fixed; I think this could be a solve for that. I also think progress reports should at least be mandatory for marriages. Is it mandatory, but people just don’t do it?

I’m curious to learn more about this in general and want to try it in my own relationship. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sweet Dispositions: Fights in (Romantic) Relationships

Source: Everyday People Cartoons

Today I read an article “5 Fights Every Couple Should Have” on Yahoo and it made me reflect on my own relationship. 1 year 8 months. That is how long I’ve been in my first serious, adult relationship. No we aren’t engaged, married, have kids, or share finances.  However, we do spend A LOT of time together.  And what usually happens when a couple spends a lot of time together? They either grow closer or further apart. 

I would be lying if I said my relationship was perfect. Arguments have strengthened our bond because:

  1. It helped establish respect. 
  2. When there is listening and talking involved – it helped us see both sides to the argument and appreciate each other.
  3. Speaking for myself – it has helped me pinpoint what I SHOULDN’T do, like hold onto things.

There are more ways arguments have benefited my relationship but those are the creme de la creme.

As far as advice goes: If fights are unavoidable, why not make them as productive as possible?” – Dr. Gilda Carle. My big pet peeve with fights is CONSTANTLY fighting over the SAME issue! It annoys me even more when I am at fault! Ideally, fights should end with a resolution, an agreement, a compromise. There should be some progress made. After all, who wants to be in a regressive relationship?

Closing thoughts: Fights are good as long as there is growth involved because: no couple is perfect, no one person is perfect, everyone makes mistakes (keep in mind: you can only forgive a person so many times before they start taking advantage), and ultimately, if you love your partner and you both are making an effort, don’t stop ’til it’s over!

The Results: People Will Test Boundaries Going Out of Their Way For Love

 

To get caught up on where this post is coming from, read this.

I asked 100+ people located in NYC, outside of NYC and other states, “How far would you travel for romance?”

Disappointingly, only 19 people* responded to this survey. However, I was more disappointed in my administering of the poll (still learning!). Thank you to those who participated!

Here are the results:

42% said it doesn’t matter; where love is I’ll be there

42% said they’d would go out of state

11% said they’d travel internationally

5% would travel across country

0% would only stay in their neighborhood/town for love 

I am happy to report that these results suggest people are willing to travel outside of their comfort zone to be with their boo than stay within “their boundaries”.

P.S. After working at the Marist Poll and taking public relations classes, I do know that for polls to be concrete 1000+ people must provide their opinions. In addition, the results could be broken down into categories depending on age, sex, income, location, etc. This was just a fun test and maybe I’ll consider conducting it again in the future. 🙂

*Two more people voted after this post was published however that did not alter the results.

Source: Rebloggy